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My response to Jan 12, 2010

I knew by backtracking I'd find where I emotionally strayed. And there it was, January 13. The three distinct male relationships in my life. None of them are working.

My faith centeres on a feeling, what I believe is the Holy Spirit, inside of me guiding me on my daily walk. When I lose my connection with this feeling, I feel so lost and alone. The only thing I trust is God, and that has to be my understanding of God, even if that understanding differs from another's.

I feel really guilty for not being the right person for Jay. I feel unworthy and like a failure. When I think about him, think about what I know about him, I just want to wrap him in this huge blanket of love and success. I pray for his true fulfillment, knowing full well it will not be in me. That is because his fulfillment will come only in God.

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