I truly believe that where there's a will, there's a way, but as I stand on this precipice of my life looking across the vast chasm in front of me, I am beginning to wonder if perhaps my dream just is not the right one or is at the right time.
Either finding a way down or making a big loop around to find a suitable crossing, both options torment me. So much precious time to be wasted, and I can see the prize just barely on the other side.When I relinquished my dream of becoming an attorney, I formulated a new dream, and very few people know what it is. Is that my chasm, that I have scarce shared? For a few years, I was lost without my old dream, blaming myself, hating myself. Through God's amazing grace, I eventually understood that not all dreams are meant to come true.............eventually I understood that His power and desires for me where so much better than what I thought I wanted for myself.
So, trying to make the most of the situation ((place and time))..........I conceptualized something new. Sitting in a classroom at Tarleton State University listening to my history professor speak about travelling and research in France, I decided it would be rather cool to be a professor. Practical matters have continued to step in front of me...............bills, kids, family obligations.......and then when my marriage dissolved, I truly thought I had lost the possibility forever. Do you know how hard it is to work 2 jobs and raise your kids by yourself??
When did I complicate things? My job was a means to an end, and somewhere in this journey toward the completion of grad school, I entangled myself in the objectifications of others. Again today, I feel trapped in Munich's The Scream, longing for parole.
One more year............and in reality, it's only 9 months. I can do it.
So..............I pray that others in my life are not stressed out by my disillusioned meanderings of late. I pray serenity over my journey that I may keep sight of my goal just beyond my reach and understand that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The valuable lessons beginning to echo in the distances I capture to sustain me when I stumble.
No man is a failure who has friends..........the words from Clarence to George in my beloved favorite movie...........I am blessed beyond deserving for those people in my life who care about me. It will be a time of rejoicing when this goals is met.
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