My Thoughts

"You can't do this to me," she screamed, her throat throbbing from suppressing the screams she desperately needed to expel from deep inside her. Thunder accented a brilliant lightening strike, and Deandra longed for the safe comfort of West Texas. Confused and angry, he hated himself for making her cry. He realized she had cried too much. She had turned her back to him, but even in the dark, he could tell she was crying uncontrollably. "Come inside, please." Almost as though she had forgot he was standing behind her, she continued her explanation. "I have worked so hard for my, my, for myself, to be someone you would want. There's no way you get to waltz into my life now, no way. You don't get to see!!!" How can I tell her? he thought. How do I say I was wrong? Jarvis struggled to find words to fill the void she described. "De, please?" "I fucking did nothing wrong, nothing, and you made me feel, u...

"I'm not ready to leave." Deandra leaned closer to him attempting to wrap her arms around him. Jarvis bristled, his normal stoic public self. She pushed forward anyway, some part of her realizing this would be the last time she saw him. "You are so much more than you realize, Jay. I am gonna miss you." He quickly hugged her, a forced smile on his face and then pulled away. He turned from her and took her bag from the trunk of the car. Deandra became vividly aware of all the activity around her: cabs dropping off people, long farewells, bags being checked in curbside and the roar of planes overhead. She could smell the air off the Delaware. "Call me when you land," he ordered. Deandra shook her head in agreement but knew she wouldn't comply. Although her visit had proved romantic, too many things were left unsaid. She had tried to talk about the issues most important to her, but Jarvis had a way of avoiding conversations by leading th...

original post: Jan 25, 2008 Juliet: And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. ********** When I first posted this, 5 years ago, I had just met Jay, and I was completely falling in love for what seemed like the first time of my life.  There was this feeling of completeness inside of me that I had never felt before, and sadly, have not felt since.  We talked about so many things, and he had told me about this "LOVE" sculpture in Philadelphia.  I honestly do not know how that conversation started, but I do know that all I could thing of was visiting the place.  I have been fortunate to go twice, once in summer, and once in winter, in the snow.  

Five for Fighting, "NYC Weather Report" One of my fav songs The original date for this post was 2010, but even after 5 years, this song still resonates with me.  Its lyrics are haunting, beckoning almost, to an ideal.  An ideal, not a specific time or place, but an ideal that I wish I could return to. I have been cleaning up my blogger account, moving the bits and pieces of my two novels into a word program to complete and edit.

It has been 3 weeks since I took time to blog. There are many reasons for this. Mainly, I was preparing for and then enjoying my mini-vacation to the Poconos with Jay. I can say that I totally do not understand female/male relationships and that I am more than ready to throw in the towel. And then along comes. . . my inner heart. O o o............My inner heart is so hopelessly in love with the idea of someone wanting me. My inner heart, whom I have named Taylor, is just so sweet and idealistic and cannot believe that anything other than the idealism exists. She is my strongest opponent. When I take charge and make great strides to move forward, Taylor jumps in and ruins it all. As a consequence, I completely blew my diet today. I have cried constantly for a week, and I am just about at the end of my wits on how to cope with the sheer stupidity Taylor employees. On top of that, Taylor joins forces with Candace and those two will surely destroy everything I have tried to build....