My Thoughts

Original Post March 2020 It's the hundredth day of school, and this year has been incredibly challenging. Without going into excessive detail, I can say this year has made me seriously question my decision to return to education. One crucial lesson I've learned is that true leadership sometimes means putting on a brave face, even when you're struggling, to maintain a positive environment for those around you. I've also encountered 'bulldozer parents' for the first time. I'd heard the term, but never truly experienced it. These parents set unrealistic expectations for their children and, in the process, demoralize their teachers. I've spoken with several educators who are leaving the field due to these difficult parents. I believe supportive administration could mitigate this, but that hasn't been my experience. I've been called into the principal's office almost weekly since the start of school. Some parents refuse to communicate with me dire...

draft date 03/10/2015 I'll look at the people in the new clothes and the shiny cars, and I wonder what did they do to deserve that. I look at the people standing on the side of the road asking for a handout, and I wonder what did they do do to deserve that. I feel less that our lives are earned and more that our lives are just a strange twist of fate. My life feels like a complete failure.  Truly, I feel completely incompetent. I wish I could say I have never been here before; but I can't, because sadly, I've been here all too often. And that voice that whispers, "Let it go; give it to me," tries desperately to comfort me; sadly I can get so little comfort from that lately. I feel worthless, helpless and lost. There was a time when I had a vision, a direction, a purpose. As I edit this piece now almost a month later, I find it difficult to recreate the voice and tone of my original intent.  Writing is like that.  In my very tattered journ...

 For 8 straight years I have applied and interviewed for teaching jobs in the Austin area; I have added additional certifications; attended professional developments, job fairs, sent handwritten letters to principals with professional portfolios.  I hired a coach to help with interviewing strategies / techniques and have had my resume revamped by a professional.  I have sent "thank you" notes after interviews, even asked interviewers for input.  I am very exhausted from all this.  For whatever reason, this career path is not meant to be.  As painful as it is, I have decided to abandon this dream.  I no longer have the emotional ability to question it but instead accept it on blind faith. Thirteen years ago when my life took a sudden and drastic detour, I was left scrambling for some sense of normalcy.  There were many days at the beginning when I wanted to give up.  I didn't.  Instead, I re-envisioned a future and set about creating it...

Water for Elephants and other oddities............ I adored this movie and am really excited it is coming to video soon. I want to curl up with a good refashioning project, a cup of hot tea and watch again as the story unfolds. Whether it is the nostalgia or the old clothing, something in the pure humanity of this movie reaches deep inside my soul and beckons. The world today is so chaotic, filled with sadness and horror. I know it is not always prudent to wax nostalgic, but without the ability to dream about what could be , I truly don't think humans fare well. Although I am not a Robert Pattison fan, I have adored Reese Witherspoon since Man in the Moon , and always enjoy watching her perform.

~Vacation Day 2~ As I woke this morning way too early for my first full day off, I realized that I should get out of bed and make the outmost of my vacation. I am totally excited that the doctor gave me a clean bill of health, but this "cold" still makes me a bit groggy. Day 2 has in store for me filling out job applications and updating my resume. Completely restless in my job and not having enough patience, I feel doors are shutting for me. I was talking with a trusted coworker about the disparity of my feelings...........on one hand, I really do like my job. On the other hand, it is not what I want to do with my career. He used this example. As a young man, he had a job working at an ice rink.............he says it was the most amazing job he has ever had: skating all the time, driving the zamboni, meeting different people. But, he wanted to be a policeman, and that was what he continued to work toward. This last two years of emotional growth for me has enabled me to stri...

~Vacation, Day 1~ Whew....complete freedom, relief from stress and responsibilities, and more importantly, free from worrying whether I am where I am supposed to be. My long vacation starts now, and as I sit waiting in the stillness of my late afternoon, the news reports of the devastation in Japan plays in the livingroom. Torn between following the news story or truly taking some time away from the world, I am enjoying the cool breezes through the window and the quiet. My heart belongs to education, and as I struggle with work lately, I shed real tears each time I say "I want to teach". Daring to dream, daring to verbalize a dream even, is difficult for me. Maybe I'm afraid it will never happen for me again. Maybe I'm afraid I've been lying to myself all these years as I've fought so hard to get certified. What is the true meaning of life??

What is the one thing that makes you happy?? My newest indulgance, a simple pleasure really, is the magazine " Real Simple". The newsstand price is $4.99, but I often can pick up a month old version at Half Priced Books for $1.98 or less. The January 2011 issue has an article about what makes one happy. Charles Shulze said 50 years ago that simple things such as french fries and a warm puppy make him happy. Readers sent in a variety of responses. In reflection, I thought about my own list of what makes me happy, and I realized it has been quite a while since I journaled my list. 1. Days like today.........early spring when the weather is still cool enough to have the windows open and the song birds are out. 2. The sounds of life in my house..........the washer/dryer and hum of the refrigerator. 3. Sharing in my daughters' lives. 4. Cooking. 5. Long shadows in early dusk. 6. A really good book. The last one I read was Paulo Coelho's "11 minutes: A Novel". 7....