My Thoughts

In the last 30 years, I have often had this idealization of starving to death. I would actually imagine what it might be like to go for days without eating.  Somewhere in my mind,I figured if I could starve to death I would finally meet the approval of my mom, finally get someone to look at me because I wasn't chunky, and maybe finally have a relationship.  Maybe, finally, I'd be happy. We often say, "I'm starving to death"; and of course, if it's at 8 a.m.,  that means we're hungry; we are not literally starving today or are we? One of the most fascinating things to have happened to me in a while is developing this food intolerance and having to get rid of a lot of my normally eaten foods. There are days when I do feel like I am starving mainly because my calorie count is so low, and it's hard to find foods that are interesting to eat when you are limited the way I have become limited.  I am so grateful that my limitations are just an alle...

~ Easter 2011 ~ It's been 3 weeks to the day since my last blog...........I barely believe it myself. Somehow, I have managed to allow 21 whole days to go by without even one word. It has been a very eventful and stressful time for me. I wonder if life will always be like this.................moments of intense drama followed by relative calm only to be recycled again and again. For the last few years, I have attempted to track the onset of spring/summer depression that tends to derail my year's resolutions............diet, excercise, proactive attitudes. Maybe allergies........ 'cause mine are horrible recently. I am only 5 classes shy of completing my grad degree...........I am so excited to be close to the end. It has been a very long and difficult 18 mos so far with 9 mos left. I know I can do it, but the toll on my complacency level is what wears the most. Derrick is recovering well...............his injury in Afghanistan that finally brought him stateside contributes...