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Showing posts with the label birthday

Leaving 45

As my 46th birthday looms silently in the very near future, I take a look back at the year of being 45 with nothing short of confused anger.  This has been a horrible year, and for the last couple of weeks, every memory collides. I wonder if some of this owes to a midlife crisis.  What was happening for my female ancestors when they faces the end of their 45th year? 1993.................. The year my mother was 45.  All three of her children were grown with families of their own.  I was pregnant for the first time.  My mom had 5 grandchildren already and was still married to my father.  They would be divorced 4 years later.  Both her parents had already died.  1993 was a time between the Gulf War and 9/11, a time when things in Early, Texas were still somewhat safe, protected and completely oblivious to a world outside of itself. "Got Milk?" became the newest ad campaign slogan; "Schindler's List" won the Academy Award for best picture and t...
The true measure of LOVE It's my birthday..........and I have had an outpouring of support from family and friends. Even Kaitlyn sent me a text message. Sometimes, with your own children, knowing the depths of their love escapes notice. As a mother, I do understand that the bond between a mother and child defies definition. Not sure why I feel that each and every moment in my life must contain a Hallmark moment, but I admit that days when the mundane and even the chaos consumes my sanity, I long for the Hallmark moment. And then, magically, there it is...........the handmade birthday card or the cake that Whitney took extra care to make.
Troubled It has been a very surreal weekend............Kaitlyn turning 15, Melanie finishing moving out and Whitney growing up before my eyes. I spent my Saturday in bed most of the day feeling horrible, probably the result of food poisoning. I have no idea where I am right now in my life or where I am headed. Feeling completely disjointed, depression has set in. Cymbalta commercials play repeatedly on LMN.......Guy calls this channel evil. For a while in my fevered sleeping, I felt an immense sense of guilt for lying in bed. As the time on my alarm clock ticked the day away, I barely remember how events unfolded. At one point, I remembered the big birthday parties the girls used to have complete with tons of family and friends, the cake, icecream and food. I wondered if Kaitlyn remembered them too, worried that she would be so disappointed that I was sick on her 15th b'day. Today, Kaitlyn is in bed sick, and I am moving way too slow. Her red velvet cake with candles sits on...