My Thoughts

original date Feb. 22, 2012 All my life I have dreamed of being a published author. I love the idea of being a writer of actually spending my whole life and my career writing.  I don't know why, it's just always been there - this dream of something I wanted. I don't know when I started to believe that it would never happen. I do know that for probably about 15 to 20 years it was not something I thought I could do.  Struggles with family and young adulthood stripped away my optimism.  Deep down, I knew the possibility existed.  In the last few years, I realized I could do it, that it was just a matter of putting some energy into it.  I wasn't in a hurry like I used to be.  On the other end of that spectrum is that you realize you are ready.  You not only know you are ready, but you feel confident in your own abilities. Then, this voice whispers that it doesn't matter whether I'm published or not - that I am a writer. I think about Joe in "Litt...

I have always fancied myself a writer. From as early as I can remember, I wrote - stories, poems, editorials, journal entries.  According to my mom, I even began this literacy as soon as I started talking.  She mentioned in my baby book that I often entertained others with my stories as early as 3 years old.  In fact, I often imagined myself working at a newspaper or magazine as a journalist.  I even started this blog hoping to develop a following, believing that it would bolster my confidence to seek publication. Fear of rejection...........................I cannot say enough about this.  My fear of rejection is so deeply personal on many levels.  Taking time to write about my fear of rejection as a separate topic could fill pages and pages as all the levels unwind.  I received lots of attention in school for my writing abilities, and all that assurance did so little to soothe an ego bruised by all the whispers, snide remarks and rejection of ...

draft date 03/10/2015 I'll look at the people in the new clothes and the shiny cars, and I wonder what did they do to deserve that. I look at the people standing on the side of the road asking for a handout, and I wonder what did they do do to deserve that. I feel less that our lives are earned and more that our lives are just a strange twist of fate. My life feels like a complete failure.  Truly, I feel completely incompetent. I wish I could say I have never been here before; but I can't, because sadly, I've been here all too often. And that voice that whispers, "Let it go; give it to me," tries desperately to comfort me; sadly I can get so little comfort from that lately. I feel worthless, helpless and lost. There was a time when I had a vision, a direction, a purpose. As I edit this piece now almost a month later, I find it difficult to recreate the voice and tone of my original intent.  Writing is like that.  In my very tattered journ...

original date 2/10/14 Being able to develop and maintain a cross curricular design shouldn't be that complicated.  Most schools already ask other subject areas to assist English Language Learners by having students write more and learning how to do short answer responses appropriately, but I think that assistance needs to flow the other way as well. The specialization in education has put up walls between subject areas, and you rarely see students learning about history in English class or utilizing the text from a science class textbook to talk about force as it relates outside of science.  I have sat in those professional development meetings where teachers in different subject areas know so little about what goes on outside their specialization. I think often about education in the 1970s when students stayed in one classroom longer.  These generalists had opportunities to truly develop relationships with students and to impart a wealth of information.  I...

Today, I was finally offered a teaching job after 8 years and hundreds of applications, emails and rejections.  All the emotions running through me collide, and I can barely believe it's real.  I have worked for a long time to become a teacher - it's 15 years in the making.  It's all too surreal. And today, I watched my daughter attempt to bring her life back on track, watched the humiliation and disappointment as she had to accept that the easy road she was hoping to find does not exist.  As a parent, as a teacher, I want to reach out and grasp hold of her dream, of her life, and make it all better.  Not wanting her disappointment to overshadow my joy, I was lost in complete confusion. More and more, I remind myself that I cannot be a martyr to a cause that I do not fully support.  I have not defined what the cause is, but a small voice continues to whisper, "Do not be a martyr." --------------------------------------------------------------- M...

I miss writing; I don't know how to explain it.  It's not like I can't write, I just somehow do not have the time lately.  I definitely miss it. There used to be a time when I was not without my journal and at least one or two pens, and I was so wrapped up in writing; it was such a part of me. For whatever reason, it's just not anymore. I am still a writer. I do more online blogging or journaling now then actual writing, but even my blog posts are pretty few and far between. I just don't seem to have time to write all the things I want to write I really don't know what the answer''s going to be. I have thought of printing out all my journaling and putting it into paper form and some sort of a book - just because I miss seeing it all on paper.  It's so weird how you can miss paper. I have thought so much lately about the difference between surviving and living, and I would have to say that at least 70% of the time I am just surv...

4 Modes of Writing

Halloween Expository Graphic Organizer

Dia de Los Muertos Expository Graphic Organizer