My Thoughts

I truly believe that where there's a will, there's a way , but as I stand on this precipice of my life looking across the vast chasm in front of me, I am beginning to wonder if perhaps my dream just is not the right one or is at the right time. Either finding a way down or making a big loop around to find a suitable crossing, both options torment me. So much precious time to be wasted, and I can see the prize just barely on the other side.When I relinquished my dream of becoming an attorney, I formulated a new dream, and very few people know what it is. Is that my chasm, that I have scarce shared? For a few years, I was lost without my old dream, blaming myself, hating myself. Through God's amazing grace, I eventually understood that not all dreams are meant to come true.............eventually I understood that His power and desires for me where so much better than what I thought I wanted for myself. So, trying to make the most of the situation ((place and time)).....

Illness and Isolation I have to make a choice very soon about dropping my class since I've been so sick and unable to complete the class requirements. Not sure why I feel like such a failure for being unable to complete this right now...........even though I know that I have done a good job considering I have been dealing with pnuemonia. I truly feel very alone. Even as I write, I ask myself why I am pushing myself so much, why I am so hard on myself. I am not even sure where my ideas of perfection come from or why it is so important to me to complete graduate school. It's definetely not what I thought it would be. Terrified to dream anymore...........this was my last dream for myself. As I watch it crumble before me, I know there is a bigger story unveiling, something beautiful that will bloom in the rubble. But right now, my pain and disappointment so great I scarce can breathe. Recently, I saw a documentary on the rebuilding of London after WWII. In the rubble grew these bri...

~ Easter 2011 ~ It's been 3 weeks to the day since my last blog...........I barely believe it myself. Somehow, I have managed to allow 21 whole days to go by without even one word. It has been a very eventful and stressful time for me. I wonder if life will always be like this.................moments of intense drama followed by relative calm only to be recycled again and again. For the last few years, I have attempted to track the onset of spring/summer depression that tends to derail my year's resolutions............diet, excercise, proactive attitudes. Maybe allergies........ 'cause mine are horrible recently. I am only 5 classes shy of completing my grad degree...........I am so excited to be close to the end. It has been a very long and difficult 18 mos so far with 9 mos left. I know I can do it, but the toll on my complacency level is what wears the most. Derrick is recovering well...............his injury in Afghanistan that finally brought him stateside contributes...

Christmas Eve 2010 The Birth of Jesus 1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register. 4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. 8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “D...

PATIENCE Heard a devotional this morning about patience from Women of Faith . Patience is one of those characteristics many of us feel we need to improve. From the word "macrothumia" meaning long fuse. There are two Greek words that lie behind the word “patience” that is used in the English New Testament. The word used here in Galatians 5:22 is macrothumia. It’s from two words thumia from the root thumos. Thumos most commonly is translated “anger.” It originally carried the idea of a violent movement of air, of water, or a violent movement in the ground or in animals or even humans. It carried the idea of something that boils up. Or something that goes up in smoke. I really believe women have the ability to be inspiring. A Christian woman can truly inspire others with patience, forgiveness and kindness. To me, these qualities help support and encourage others around me. I am struggling with the possibility that my not being promoted is a personality difference with...