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Illness and Isolation

I have to make a choice very soon about dropping my class since I've been so sick and unable to complete the class requirements. Not sure why I feel like such a failure for being unable to complete this right now...........even though I know that I have done a good job considering I have been dealing with pnuemonia. I truly feel very alone.

Even as I write, I ask myself why I am pushing myself so much, why I am so hard on myself. I am not even sure where my ideas of perfection come from or why it is so important to me to complete graduate school. It's definetely not what I thought it would be.

Terrified to dream anymore...........this was my last dream for myself. As I watch it crumble before me, I know there is a bigger story unveiling, something beautiful that will bloom in the rubble. But right now, my pain and disappointment so great I scarce can breathe.

Recently, I saw a documentary on the rebuilding of London after WWII. In the rubble grew these brilliant red flowers "fire flowers" that had not been seen in London since the 1600s. Something always beautiful comes from destruction.........even though it sounds so horrible to think about.

Truly, my failure will come in giving up.......not in slowing down. I guess that is the lesson I needed to asorb.
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