My Thoughts

With the dawn of this beautiful second day of 2018, I woke with the whisper of promises.  It's ironic in so many ways -- life!  My students have been doing "issue projects" this year.  Designed to challenge them to represent their feelings about important issues, I've learned more about my own issues, I feel. In addition to addiction, co-dependency and enabling are behaviors / words that must be addressed for true recovery to happen.  Over the years as I've struggled with my own reactions to the addiction issues and attended Al-Anon, I've learned many things about healthy lifestyles and true recovery.  From an early age, I've prayed for and sought recovery for my family.  In many ways, so much of my jadedness comes from an unfulfilled wish, an unanswered prayer, for recovery in my own family.  When my daughters became addicts - well.............not only were my childhood prayers / hopes unrealized, but the disease had spread through me to my children...

“9 1 1, what’s the address of your emergency?” the call taker asked as he casually answered the phone. “Sam? Samantha?” a nervous voice asked in whispered tones. “9 1 1, what’s the address of your emergency?” the call taker asked again, growing a bit impatient. It was well after midnight, and the phones had been slow this evening, but the call taker was pulling a double and had been at work for over 12 hours. He was not in the mood for a prank call. “I’m lookin’ for Sam Vickers,” the voice trembled. The call taker grunted, “This is 9 1 1. Do you have an emergency?” “Sam Vickers?” the voice whispered. The call taker rolled his eyes and muted his phone. Leaning back in his chair to round the wall of his tiny cubicle, he yelled down the way toward his supervisor. “Someone on 9 1 1 is asking for you, Sam.” Samantha stepped into a vacant cubicle and plugged in her headset. “9 1 1, what’s the address of your emergency?” “I’m lookin’ for Sam.” “You found her. What’s t...

We can never assume that the destination nor the itinerary of our fellow travelers mirrors our own. Boredom often draws me to "Words with Friends" just to have something to fill the time.  Although I love Scrabble, I am not addicted to it; nor am I addicted to the thrill of out pacing my opponents.  I am, however, addicted to competing with myself.  I often create challenges for myself and then learn so much about human nature in the process. Many times as I've played "Words with Friends", I find myself mildly curious, somewhat irritated and often disbelieving at some of the plays made by opponents.  As the game became boring to me, I began finding ways to challenge myself.  That's the great thing about the computer, it keeps statistics.  For example, the game will tell you how many of the recognized 2-letter or 3-letter words you have played.  It will also tell you what percentage of time you use the DL, TL, DW or TW spaces.  Here is where ...

Do things ever work out for people?  I mean, do people actually get things they plan for, try for, hope for?  Because in my experience that is not the reality.  My plans never seem to happen the way I foresee or the way I want them to.  Consistently, I "roll with the flow".  Every plan I make doesn't happen by any of my parameters.  Surprisingly, it all turns out ok.  I can handle it. Today I had a very definite plan of what would happen - where I would go, what would happen when I got there what time I would leave and go to the next thing.  I have one late start day a week at work, so I can take care of some business matters in those three hours.  Not today. Needless to say I'm "rolling with the flow". I am handling the fact that my plans did not happen the way I needed them to happen.  It is characteristic of my life right now. I make a plan, and the plan doesn't happen.  I just make do with what I have on hand.  I ...

Day 8 – Jan 21 I am exhausted today and not sure I can do this. But I know as soon as I say I can't, I can. I am good and mad. I am scared and unclear. Each day brings new challenges or brings the same challenges again and again. With every step forward, I swear there are 10 steps back. Today is more community service and a call from the doctor's office......chlamydia. It just gets better and better. I can do this...........I can do this. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Whitney is struggling with this, and today, I broke down. I did break down. It was not pretty. Then Whitney had a break down and cried. We have been discussing lots and lots how to handle this current situation. Jack texted me to tell me he misses her. It's surreal that he shows her so much attention when he bipassed Melanie and at best ignores Whitney. I am completely caught in a spiderweb. When I heard Coldplay's “Trouble” a couple da...