My Thoughts

"I brought some music along.  Hope you don't mind," he said as he pulled out his tablet and a small pair of speakers.  She looked at him and smiled, "Only if I like the music you're playing." The evening picnic at the lake was such a great idea. She had not been on a picnic for a while, so she was excited. Deandra kicked off her shoes and sat down on the blanket that had been laid out on the ground. She took a deep breath and felt some muscles relax in her neck and back that she really hadn't realized were tense. Laughingly she looked at him with her little cocked sideways expression.  "And the point of this little evening seduction is..." she trailed off. "Well, he smiled back. "I hadn't thought of there being a reason.  I just wanted to share some things that I enjoy it with you.  You are the one to bring up the word s eduction!" Her need for intellectual banter, for a strong mental partner was fighting eve...

Jarvis stared in disbelief as the taxi pulled away from the church and headed West down Lombard Street. A flash of lightening illuminated the street, and he caught a glimpse of the street sign. He had to laugh. Years earlier when Deandra first visited Philly, he had found her sitting on the balcony of their bed and breakfast with a pencil in hand sketching a street scene. He had been so focused on the amazing find at a wine shop, a '97 Dalla Valle Maya Napa Valley. "How's the wine?" "It's nice," she said, focusing on her sketch. "I was ready to unwind." His excitement and expectation of sharing this amazing wine find with her deflated, and anger boiled up inside him. "Seriously, Deandra, you are supposed to be on vacation. If you don't like the wine, I brought some other beverages," he smiled and tried to take her journal from her hands. Looking up at him with her tired blue eyes, she feigned a pout. "Please? ...

Philly Story - (Back in Austin) Departing the plane in Austin only five days after she had left seemed surreal for Deandra. She had changed, she felt, but everything in the airport was exactly the way it had been. She knew she was supposed to call the office to get a proper "police" escort to her car parked at the police department, but somehow, she didn't feel like answering any questions. She could hear them all now. How was it? What did you do? Do he propose? The heat outside seemed so suffocating compared to how cool it had been in Philadephia all week. All her excitement and hopefulness were gone, and she dreaded the resumation of her normal live. Deep down, she knew something had changed, even though she didn't have positive proof. She had never been good at departures, had never learned how to master those important words and emotions that said "good bye". Continuing to muse all these things in her confused mind as the taxi transported ...

Her mind drifted back through the years to the first time she visited Philly, so in love, so full of hope and optimism. Somehow, the euphoria heightened all her emotions. When she saw the lights of the Philadelphia Theater Company, she closed her eyes and allowed all the memories to wash over her. "Lombard Street? I wonder if it is named after Carol Lombard." "What?" he asked, not slowing down as Deandra took in the sights. "Carol Lombard, the actress." "Haven't heard of her," he said. "How have you not heard of her? She was marreid to Clark Cable, you know, 'frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Deandra wanted pictures of everything and was fumbling for her camera in her bag. He stopped her, placing his hand on hers. "Deandra, we will look like tourists." "But I am a tourist, and I want to remember things, like the architecture of some of these buildings. How amazing. I can truly...

Jarvis found himself seated at a table with people he didn't know, miscellaneous benefactors or historical society persons. He tried to maintain small talk, but his mind continued to drift a thousand miles away across years to Austin and the vibrant Texas beauty with an intoxicating drawl. Jarvis?" she asked, extending her delicate pale hand to him. "You look just like what Constance said you would," she smiled. As his dark hand took hers, he caught a hint of perfume, the soft silkiness of her skin inviting, and he remembered she had a very firm handshake. "It's so nice to finally meetcha," Deandra said slowly casting her pale blue eyes downward and then angling them up slightly as the slow smile crossed her face. Intellectually, he had been mesmerized during their two week email exchange......her ability to discuss a wide range of topics impressed him. She was a natural storyteller with words, creating interest and making points so effortless...

Welling inside her were the tears she had craftfully learned to control over the last few years, but here they were again. Take control, Deandra! she commanded herself. "Associates? Although impressed, I am not really surprised. I figured you'd return to law eventually." She smiled her slow southern charm into each word, casting her eyes downward to the hem of her skirt and back at him. Her hand trailed up her leg and she stretched her manicured and blood red nails outward before resting her hand on her lap. She knew he saw every movement. His perceptions had always been keen. Her flirtations are as intoxicating as ever , he mused, completely aware of her avoidance of his questions and the way she lightly skimmed her leg. His own memories of their time in Austin flashed into his mind. A rush of heat overtook him, and in agitation, he pressed his hand to the cool glass as he glanced at the passing buildings. Too quickly, he remembered Deandra's innocent laught...

This time last year I was planning a romantic weekend get-a-way with Jarvis, so when I got up this morning and the chill of this artic air greeted me, my mind raced back to Philly. Each time Jeff and I hit a stall, I do this, retreat. So, with my "Philadelphia" playist providing a consistent soundtrack, I am working on my novela "Philadelphia Story". Things with Jeff are good, but he is dealing with some family issues with his parents in Florida and announced to me he might be leaving Austin soon to take care of things. Even though I wish I trusted people, I don't. It especially difficult for me to trust men. This is exhausting.............back and forth. One day I'll be on top of the world and full of optimism only to be completely insecure and scrambling to rebuild walls the next day. I have already started praying because experience has taught me that I must let go of any understanding I think I have. Above any of this confusion is the...

The third day of the New Year is almost over.........I am chillin in front of a fire with a nice mug of herbal tea. I've been doing research for my novela and came across a recipe for a pink cake. Checking out the recipe, I found one I actually think I could adapt to keep it healthy , somewhat lowfat. I am anxious today: only 5 months and Melanie graduates high school; grad school starts back in 3 weeks; the girls are home for the very last day of Christmas break; work really got jump started today and Parker is in Florida one more week. With a joyfulness, I have prayed for peace. So, I hope everyone of my readers ((all 2 or you!!)) try out this ice cream recipe with me. Stay tuned for more on the Philadelphia Story.

"You can't do this to me," she screamed, her throat throbbing from suppressing the screams she desperately needed to expel from deep inside her. Thunder accented a brilliant lightening strike, and Deandra longed for the safe comfort of West Texas. Confused and angry, he hated himself for making her cry. He realized she had cried too much. She had turned her back to him, but even in the dark, he could tell she was crying uncontrollably. "Come inside, please." Almost as though she had forgot he was standing behind her, she continued her explanation. "I have worked so hard for my, my, for myself, to be someone you would want. There's no way you get to waltz into my life now, no way. You don't get to see!!!" How can I tell her? he thought. How do I say I was wrong? Jarvis struggled to find words to fill the void she described. "De, please?" "I fucking did nothing wrong, nothing, and you made me feel, u...

"I'm not ready to leave." Deandra leaned closer to him attempting to wrap her arms around him. Jarvis bristled, his normal stoic public self. She pushed forward anyway, some part of her realizing this would be the last time she saw him. "You are so much more than you realize, Jay. I am gonna miss you." He quickly hugged her, a forced smile on his face and then pulled away. He turned from her and took her bag from the trunk of the car. Deandra became vividly aware of all the activity around her: cabs dropping off people, long farewells, bags being checked in curbside and the roar of planes overhead. She could smell the air off the Delaware. "Call me when you land," he ordered. Deandra shook her head in agreement but knew she wouldn't comply. Although her visit had proved romantic, too many things were left unsaid. She had tried to talk about the issues most important to her, but Jarvis had a way of avoiding conversations by leading th...

original post: Jan 25, 2008 Juliet: And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. ********** When I first posted this, 5 years ago, I had just met Jay, and I was completely falling in love for what seemed like the first time of my life.  There was this feeling of completeness inside of me that I had never felt before, and sadly, have not felt since.  We talked about so many things, and he had told me about this "LOVE" sculpture in Philadelphia.  I honestly do not know how that conversation started, but I do know that all I could thing of was visiting the place.  I have been fortunate to go twice, once in summer, and once in winter, in the snow.