Philly Story - Back in Austin

Philly Story - (Back in Austin)

Departing the plane in Austin only five days after she had left seemed surreal for Deandra. She had changed, she felt, but everything in the airport was exactly the way it had been. She knew she was supposed to call the office to get a proper "police" escort to her car parked at the police department, but somehow, she didn't feel like answering any questions. She could hear them all now.

How was it?

What did you do?

Do he propose?

The heat outside seemed so suffocating compared to how cool it had been in Philadephia all week. All her excitement and hopefulness were gone, and she dreaded the resumation of her normal live. Deep down, she knew something had changed, even though she didn't have positive proof. She had never been good at departures, had never learned how to master those important words and emotions that said "good bye". Continuing to muse all these things in her confused mind as the taxi transported back into downtown Austin, back into the normalcy of her life, Deandra sought answers to many things.
Although the trip was not bad, it was not really good, either. The playfulness and flirtations she and Jay had shared in Austin only six months prior were gone. He now seemed impatient and hurried, almost obligated, and try as she may, she was unable to tease him into the peace they had shared once.
As the taxi pulled onto I35 from 290 and headed North into downtown, Deandra remembered her excitement when she first moved to Austin and got to see the downtown skyline everyday. Her small West Texas hometown did not possess a skyline, and something about the buildings reaching skyward always made her smile. She often alluded her excitement to the Tower of Babylon and wondered if God would curse her one day for her arrogance.

Today as the skyline came into view, she couldn't help but think that she was now feeling that curse. She sat back in the seat and closed her eyes, wiling everything from her mind in an attempt to re-center.

Please don't let anyone see me, she hoped as the taxi pulled onto 6th Street to make the turn onto Sabine where her car was parked. Let me get home and hide. She was in luck; no one saw her, called to her, asked her how things were. She knew her daughters were still out of town at their father's, so she would have the apartment to herself for a couple of days to unwind and cry over her pain and confusion.

Before she headed home, she stopped at Whole Foods to get milk and produce. She opted for a couple bottles of wine. Normally, she lingered in the aisles looking at labels of foods she had never seen or heard of before moving, but not today.

When she arrived home and had unpacked the perishables, she poured herself a glass of wine and headed to the balcony. The serenity of West Travis County invited her, whispering that all her answers were found in the slow pace and conservative traditions of West Texas.

Pouring herself a second glass, she reached for her laptop and decided to send Jay an email.
Jay, I have been thinking about so many things I want share with you, many things in my mind I just cannot let go. I don't want to create more problems. Please know I wish you nothing but great happiness. Often, I imagine a world where differences don't matter, where a boy form Harlem and a girl from Texas can truly just sit and have coffee without the pressures of perceived ideas. Maybe what I imagine and what is possible are just too different. We will never be truly know. Maybe too much time had passed since you left Austin; maybe the pressure of playing tour guide with me and my stupid camera, or maybe the reality of where you are really from all combined with our expectations............I don't know. I just wish I could go back one week and do it over. I am so grateful for an opportunity to come see you; I had such a good time and saw so many amazing things. I apologize for being too excited about the cobblestones. No matter what, know how much I care for you and how much I wish you nothing but great joy and happiness in your life.

She paused for a moment; she wanted to add "even if you don't want me anymore", but opted to leave out the self-pity.

I have never met anyone like you. You have become my best friend, and I hope that I was not too much of a pain in the ass.

She stared at the words on the screen and contemplated whether to actually send it or not. She read them over and over hoping that magically the anwers would come from between the lines, but as she finished her third glass, she knew that what had once been was gone.

Before she could delete the message, she frantically clicked "send" and then laid back in the chaise lounge to the sounds of the world preparing for sunset. She poured her fourth glass of wine and closed her eyes.