My Thoughts

original date 7/18/2015 A couple days ago, my ex-husband turned 50, and I was transported backward in time to when I was still married and thought about all the great ways I would plan a memorable 50th birthday for him.  It's crazy that I thought about all that long ago planning when we've been apart almost as long as we were together.  Almost as quickly as the thought of the celebration entered my mind, so too did the tragic ending of my marriage.  It was tragic because it could've been saved with a bit of intervention.  All this time later as I have sought understanding and acceptance, I am provided with healthy opportunities to grieve the loss:  the loss of potential and the loss of innocence for a 32 year old mother of 3 small children. One of my ex sisters-in-law told me at the time of the initial separation that the family had hoped I would be strong enough to handle the ex. "To handle the ex" - code for handling the effects of mental illness without...

Wednesday Jan 13 When the alarm went off this morning, I was not ready to get out of bed. Yesterday was a very trying day, and I felt as though I barely survived it. So, over my coffee this morning, I reflected on my own reactions, my lack of coping skills employed and what I might need to do differently to survive such a day next time. Thank God that I stuck to my diet and excercise regime. I am juggling 3 distinct male relationships lately............1 I want to pursue, 1 pursuing me and 1 that is a great friendship but moving in unknown directions. It is the 3rd one that is keeping me up at night. Facing the unkown is hard. I know, I know...everything is unkown. My friend Dusty keeps laughing at the influx of DRAMA. I hate drama. Gonna pause and listen to Natalie Grant "Held". So, today is a brand new day.a new day for possibilities. I have to have those. POSSIBILITIES Armor on...check. Meditation.....check. Daily Diet/Exercise planned........check. Buckled in wit...

Ever hear the expression "selective hearing"? I am sure everyone has. It is true. We can selectively hear things. We each have that awesome power. What you choose to hear has a lot to do with the information you are inputting into your brain. Somehow, you have to hear only the truth. Part of this is attached to your eyes as well. It is not good enough to close the eyes during a commercial if you leave the volume up. Probably the hardest part for me is to hear only positive comments about myself. Ephesians 6: 10 - 18 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day. 1 Thessalonians 5:8 But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. An officer I worked with at Brownwood PD provided me these examples on how to withstand the attempts of the enemy to undermine us. Each day, I have to visualize myself, like a policeman, putting on all my def...