My Thoughts

Original Post March 2020 It's the hundredth day of school, and this year has been incredibly challenging. Without going into excessive detail, I can say this year has made me seriously question my decision to return to education. One crucial lesson I've learned is that true leadership sometimes means putting on a brave face, even when you're struggling, to maintain a positive environment for those around you. I've also encountered 'bulldozer parents' for the first time. I'd heard the term, but never truly experienced it. These parents set unrealistic expectations for their children and, in the process, demoralize their teachers. I've spoken with several educators who are leaving the field due to these difficult parents. I believe supportive administration could mitigate this, but that hasn't been my experience. I've been called into the principal's office almost weekly since the start of school. Some parents refuse to communicate with me dire...

      I am not ok.     I want to be, but I am not ok.     As the last, precious minutes of a weather induced 4 day weekend draw to an close, I sit in numbed silence trying to piece the mangled pieces of my life into a semblance of order.     I am not ok.     My heart aches for a world that existed once.  My soul bleeds for the chaos that faces so many in our country.  I keep hoping that I am overthinking it; I just don't feel that is true.       I am exhausted, and I am not ok.     No wonder the retreat of my precious home offers the only comfort lately.  Here, in contentedness, I can script my hours.  I chose music or movies that feed my soul.  I prepare healthy food to nourish and heal my body, and I shut out any and all intrusions with swift deliberations.     Exhaustion can do that.  It can blind reality.  Maybe it's my age or the unbearable weight of res...

Maybe it's age, or maybe it's pure necessity, but I truly love my down time.  As I reflect backward over the last 30 years of my life, I remember fondly the anxiety I once felt to be sitting still - always needing something to do in my waking hours. In the last year, I crave down time,even sneaking in a nap on my days off occasionally.  My down time is highly treasured and almost violently protected.  If I manage to have a three day weekend, then I feel I can venture out, maybe even experiment with a new routine. In every way possible, I am tired. At times, I can get enough rest in one part of my life, but pure relaxation has not happened in a very long time.  My spirit aches to feel peace.  When I say to myself that I am drowning, I know its truth perfectly. I've been here before.  I have survived this before.  It just seems so abnormal to be repeating this yet again.  Is that what life is?  More and more, the words of the "Serenit...