My Thoughts

original date 7/18/2015 A couple days ago, my ex-husband turned 50, and I was transported backward in time to when I was still married and thought about all the great ways I would plan a memorable 50th birthday for him.  It's crazy that I thought about all that long ago planning when we've been apart almost as long as we were together.  Almost as quickly as the thought of the celebration entered my mind, so too did the tragic ending of my marriage.  It was tragic because it could've been saved with a bit of intervention.  All this time later as I have sought understanding and acceptance, I am provided with healthy opportunities to grieve the loss:  the loss of potential and the loss of innocence for a 32 year old mother of 3 small children. One of my ex sisters-in-law told me at the time of the initial separation that the family had hoped I would be strong enough to handle the ex. "To handle the ex" - code for handling the effects of mental illness without...

On April 4, I wrote, "Again, sitting in court in regard to child support. Again, taking precious time off and having to do so much work for a sub".  It only took a month after the court date and the adjustment to child support for the ex to quit (lose) his job.  Now, I am facing another summer of working a third job to stay ahead of my finances. This is exhausting. Now it's June, and the ex is still not working.  Nor will he respond to calls / texts.  What I have feared for the 14 years of divorce status has become a reality............my ex is a dead beat dad.  He dropped off emotionally years ago, and sadly, my daughters have learned to live without a dad present in their lives.  In all that time, I was always satisfied to know he had to financially contribute to their lives, even if he couldn't emotionally contribute.  Now, that allusion is gone, too. We will survive; we always do.  I think back to the first 2 years of the separation and ...