My Thoughts

  I know, I know......it's unbearable how long it's been since I was here last.  I have definitely neglected you with blatant disregard.  Forgive me.  It is gloriously Autumn outside; can you sense it?  I mean, like fully, sense it??  This is my absolutely favorite type of day. I am cooking slowly over the week.  I have my tablet on its cute, lil', decorative easel watching "The Price is Right" and enjoying my second cup of coffee.  Autumn scented candles are lit around the house, and I am having pumpkin baked oats for breakfast.  This is the warmest, gooiest thing I've ever eaten, and I fully intend to make this a regular recipe in my life........healthy and yummy. I've thought about you so much lately, and I have missed our times together more than you can imagine.  Well, maybe not more.....maybe you feel the same way. I fear that if I don't make our relationship a true priority, I will wake up at the end of my life and regret its pass...

Today was just one of those days..................it started off on a weird and very surreal foot and grew even more strange with each passing hour.  By noon, all I wanted was to retreat into a world of my own imagination and never leave.  It seems I spend more time lately in some crazy mood.............I feel lost, and with the guilt that always accompanies it.

As I sat correcting mistakes on data entries at work yesterday, I was amused by the irony of the situation in several contexts of my life.  Having been the auditor at a previous job, I fully understood then and now the stress on others having work scrutinized.  Being in the hot seat this time, I had to laugh at the absurdity of it all.  More importantly, I knew that having a chance for someone else to critically review my work allows me to experience the stress, maybe even agitation, others have often felt with my analysis.  In many ways, the current family situation with my middle daughter is similar. At 16, she thinks she has all the answers;  she thinks she is grown.  It is almost too cliche to even say. Parents of teenagers fully understand.  It is not that I naively believed I had some magic answer and could forgo teenage angst with my daughters; it is not even that time seemed to leap forward too quickly for me to grasp; rather, I feel shock,...

Troubled It has been a very surreal weekend............Kaitlyn turning 15, Melanie finishing moving out and Whitney growing up before my eyes. I spent my Saturday in bed most of the day feeling horrible, probably the result of food poisoning. I have no idea where I am right now in my life or where I am headed. Feeling completely disjointed, depression has set in. Cymbalta commercials play repeatedly on LMN.......Guy calls this channel evil. For a while in my fevered sleeping, I felt an immense sense of guilt for lying in bed. As the time on my alarm clock ticked the day away, I barely remember how events unfolded. At one point, I remembered the big birthday parties the girls used to have complete with tons of family and friends, the cake, icecream and food. I wondered if Kaitlyn remembered them too, worried that she would be so disappointed that I was sick on her 15th b'day. Today, Kaitlyn is in bed sick, and I am moving way too slow. Her red velvet cake with candles sits on...