Troubled
It has been a very surreal weekend............Kaitlyn turning 15, Melanie finishing moving out and Whitney growing up before my eyes. I spent my Saturday in bed most of the day feeling horrible, probably the result of food poisoning.
I have no idea where I am right now in my life or where I am headed. Feeling completely disjointed, depression has set in. Cymbalta commercials play repeatedly on LMN.......Guy calls this channel evil. For a while in my fevered sleeping, I felt an immense sense of guilt for lying in bed. As the time on my alarm clock ticked the day away, I barely remember how events unfolded.
At one point, I remembered the big birthday parties the girls used to have complete with tons of family and friends, the cake, icecream and food. I wondered if Kaitlyn remembered them too, worried that she would be so disappointed that I was sick on her 15th b'day.
Today, Kaitlyn is in bed sick, and I am moving way too slow. Her red velvet cake with candles sits on the table waiting for her.
Why do I need to have my life compartmentalized? I was not looking to meet someone I would like much less consider spending my life with, but here I am falling for Jeff while trying to discourage Mark. But, Mark is here. Life was so much easier 4 months ago before I met Jeff and Mark, when I was contented in my acceptance of where my life was headed. It takes so much courage and strength to believe in love, to believe someone would love me.
It has been a very surreal weekend............Kaitlyn turning 15, Melanie finishing moving out and Whitney growing up before my eyes. I spent my Saturday in bed most of the day feeling horrible, probably the result of food poisoning.
I have no idea where I am right now in my life or where I am headed. Feeling completely disjointed, depression has set in. Cymbalta commercials play repeatedly on LMN.......Guy calls this channel evil. For a while in my fevered sleeping, I felt an immense sense of guilt for lying in bed. As the time on my alarm clock ticked the day away, I barely remember how events unfolded.
At one point, I remembered the big birthday parties the girls used to have complete with tons of family and friends, the cake, icecream and food. I wondered if Kaitlyn remembered them too, worried that she would be so disappointed that I was sick on her 15th b'day.
Today, Kaitlyn is in bed sick, and I am moving way too slow. Her red velvet cake with candles sits on the table waiting for her.
Why do I need to have my life compartmentalized? I was not looking to meet someone I would like much less consider spending my life with, but here I am falling for Jeff while trying to discourage Mark. But, Mark is here. Life was so much easier 4 months ago before I met Jeff and Mark, when I was contented in my acceptance of where my life was headed. It takes so much courage and strength to believe in love, to believe someone would love me.
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