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Showing posts with the label heartbreak

Strict Scheduling as I Spiral

      I am not ok.     I want to be, but I am not ok.     As the last, precious minutes of a weather induced 4 day weekend draw to an close, I sit in numbed silence trying to piece the mangled pieces of my life into a semblance of order.     I am not ok.     My heart aches for a world that existed once.  My soul bleeds for the chaos that faces so many in our country.  I keep hoping that I am overthinking it; I just don't feel that is true.       I am exhausted, and I am not ok.     No wonder the retreat of my precious home offers the only comfort lately.  Here, in contentedness, I can script my hours.  I chose music or movies that feed my soul.  I prepare healthy food to nourish and heal my body, and I shut out any and all intrusions with swift deliberations.     Exhaustion can do that.  It can blind reality.  Maybe it's my age or the unbearable weight of res...

New York State of Mind

Five for Fighting, "NYC Weather Report" One of my fav songs The original date for this post was 2010, but even after 5 years, this song still resonates with me.  Its lyrics are haunting, beckoning almost, to an ideal.  An ideal, not a specific time or place, but an ideal that I wish I could return to. I have been cleaning up my blogger account, moving the bits and pieces of my two novels into a word program to complete and edit.