From as early as I can remember, I wrote - stories, poems, editorials, journal entries. According to my mom, I even began this literacy as soon as I started talking. She mentioned in my baby book that I often entertained others with my stories as early as 3 years old. In fact, I often imagined myself working at a newspaper or magazine as a journalist. I even started this blog hoping to develop a following, believing that it would bolster my confidence to seek publication.
Fear of rejection...........................I cannot say enough about this. My fear of rejection is so deeply personal on many levels. Taking time to write about my fear of rejection as a separate topic could fill pages and pages as all the levels unwind. I received lots of attention in school for my writing abilities, and all that assurance did so little to soothe an ego bruised by all the whispers, snide remarks and rejection of most of my classmates. At about 15 years old, I knew I could outdo most of my classmates in writing. Sadly, I also felt that teachers provided me praise out of pity. As a teacher now, I realize that what I sensed as pity came more from my attitude and had nothing to do with a false attempt by my teachers to make me feel good about myself.
When I went to college, I desperately wanted to work on the school newspaper, but I didn't even try because I was too insecure. I would read the college newspaper and know I could do it, and I even knew I could put in the extra work I would need to prove I could do it. College was a whole new world for me. As the trailblazer in my family - being the first female to go to college - my focus was on getting out. I eventually quit debate (which I adore so completely) to focus on completing college as soon as I could. All these years later, my two biggest regrets were not pursuing journalism and quitting debate. I think I stopped reading for fun many years ago from envy.
As I listen to my own children, my nephews and my students talk about future aspirations, I feel compelled to be the voice that echoes in their consciousness, "You can do it!!!". I hope that I can provide an authentic response and helpful information as they formulate their hopes, dreams and ideals. I hope I can take the extra time needed to truly listen not only to their fragile whispers of optimism but also to their deafening fears. That's really the hard part, isn't it? Listening intently to the deafening fears? Because those deafening fears are really what young adults need to address.
As my alone time on this beautiful Austin morning dwindles, I try to recall what I hoped I would say with this entry. Mostly, I needed to quell a voice inside my head that has whispered, "Fancied myself a writer" for the last few days. Jack London had a definite plan of publication, and at times, I wonder if I could do that. Of course, I know I could. What I am uncertain of is my ability to handle repeated rejection.
Comments
Post a Comment