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01.04.2008


Where Am I??

Finally, we talked last night, and in complete longing, I thought so many things about where we both are...........so far apart. We've always been this far apart, and I just never would believe it. I've spent 2 years of my life so in love with you, or rather, the idea of you, that I couldn't breathe.
My heart hurts beyond anything I have ever felt. Where am I?? Where is that special, funny, warm and sweet person you met??
I can almost hear her screaming, "let me in", and I am trapped, afraid. She falls in love so easily, gets hurt so often and cannot live with her own disappointments. But oh!!! How wonderful that feeling...............of loving someone so much you can't breathe.
Well, you might not care about where I am, where I've been. I know you never have, and I needed the final clarification on that point. You gave that to me last nite. But, oh, oh, oh!! I, even through the pain and burning tears, am so much better off to have loved you. I am better not because you brought something wonderful to my life but because that part of me that loves brings something better. She, the one who loves you, she brings something special. She gave so freely to you...........she loved you with reckless abandon. And you will not ruin her.
We are better people when we live our lives free from fear, from hesitation. When we give of ourselves, that is the definition of whom we are.
Where am I??? Where I've always been.....................just been waiting for the time to peek from the darkness and face a new chance. Thanks, Callie for the Renee Cassar song on your page, "Waiting". It gave me so much inspiration to write this blog this morning.
Woo hoo.................................2008!!!
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