It's the first day of Advent, and I overslept on the one Sunday I could actually attend church. Even though I have every intention of attending the "hanging of the greens" tonight, there is some part of me that feels complete abject guilt for not being at Sunday service on the one Sunday I am actually not working.
My guilt comes in knowing that the strong connectedness I once had to the very legalistic aspect of the Methodist church has transcended into a deeper connection to my Savior. I remember also that the rituals became for me an auto response to a life I felt completely imprisoned in. Somewhere is my journal entry about the gilded cage............."oh I know why the caged bird sings."
And then, in a breath, the guilt dissipates. The few rare moments of family togetherness afforded us in this crazy world are more priceless to me than the strength of the guilt. Today, I also restarted the calorie counting. Not sure why I have had such a hard year staying focused on this goal, but I have.
I love the holiday season...............it has been so incredible. For the frist time in a very long time, I have truly enjoyed the whole season. We carved pumpkins on time, I made Thanksgiving centerpieces, and I bought a poinsetta for the table. Whitney turns 12 in just a couple of days.
Hangin of the Greens at church tonight was completely amazing.......such a renewing experience for me. I am truly blessed,and thankfully, God's grace forgives always.
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