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written Feb. 25, 2008

The possibility of moving to New York continues to linger in my mind, a far off dream from another time. I think about all the attraction of Autumn in NY and watching the beautiful spring day unfold in front of me out this big window, I know that nothing compares to Spring in Texas.

We invariably tie our own dreams and romantic ideas to people. That's what makes us "fall in love" with them………because we are already in love with our own hearts. In my strange Texas Bohemian way, I am in love with New York, and in complete hopefulness, I transferred those amazing feelings to someone, someone who did not embody those feelings.

I am trying to get ready for work, listening to music and wrangling with my wardrobe. Harry Conick Jr came on the player and my mind drifted to that place in my imagination where NY lives. Just as Austin has its own place in my imagination, so too does NY live. And when I allow myself to dream…………oooooo.

I see Audrey Hepburn, Central Park, Harlem, 5th Avenue, a corner deli……….and the sounds…………too many to mention.

We each try to create the life we imagine, complete with soundtrack. So often, our lives are accidental, and in our struggle to discover for ourselves whom we are individually and what we want for ourselves, we get lost. I remember so vividly my conversations with friends and family prior to moving to Austin. What I could not say, what I didn't have words to say………what I need to say: I need to create my life for myself. My mind screams in complete exuberant release here in Austin. For the first time in my life, I am challenged. When we are born and live in the same place our whole life, we only know that………….and that is not bad. My ability to fly now comes from those amazing roots in Brown County. My home will always be my home. I love it. And the more time I am away, the more I truly appreciate it.

But loving something doesn't mean we get to keep it. Loving something sometimes just adds flavor to where we are. I am so proud to be from Central Texas. Just as I am proud to be taking chances and learning new things.
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