Static Control
My last post whispered my struggle to let down walls and actually allow my feelings for Jeff room to grow. In anticipation of spending time with him, I had been so full of emotion as I blogged. His announcement at dinner harshly yanked the veil away from realities and sent me scrambling to cover behind the pieces of my once stabile fortress.
He is moving to Florida. Even though my suspicions existed after his holiday trip to see his parents, I had tentatively ignored them. Not now.
For a couple days now, I have stood in static.................unable to retreat, unable to push forward. We talk about feelings and the absurdity of meeting when we did. With compassion, I am unable to throw a fit about how sad and hurt I am, nor can I truly comfort Jeff in his own confusion. We have actually spent the last few days side stepping conversations.
He tells me I should continue to date with the sentence trailing off..............I honestly have no idea my response should have been. I said nothing.
So I tell him............hope everything works out.........it was nice knowing you. He tells me to "shut up" 'cause we are not ending anything.
Florida..............Texas................???
Today's is Paul Cezanne's 172nd b'day, btw, hence the "Abduction" print on this post.
As I blog about my "static control" or maybe even lack of control.........I am also on the phone with Katie's school trying to find a solution to her lack of engagement and being so unhappy, planning a dinner date later with Albert's family, creating "save the date" cards for Melanie's graduation and listening to the "Burlesque" soundtrack. This all just illustrates the hectic activity of my life..............not even sure how ((or even if he does)) Jeff fits into any of this.
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