My favorite shows growing up where "The Waltons" and "Little House on the Prairie". I honestly believe that stored somewhere in our DNA are collective memories from those who came before us, and as I have worked on documenting the lives of my 2nd great grandmothers, I find myself reflecting back to these two shows very often. The time frame for these women falls roughly between 1850 - 1950.
Sitting here drinking my coffee out of the "MOM" mug Whitney gave me for Mother's Day last year, my emotions dance back and forth to a melody of long ago voices that only I seem to hear. It is almost as though each of these women is sitting here at this table with me sharing coffee and memories. I am multitasking too, browsing through pinterest and searching for summer dress patterns. I think about where women are today..........the opportunities and privileges.
I think often to one of the last conversations I had with my dad, GW Slayton. He was angry and frustrated after having had a full system failure and being in a rehab home for a few months. My visit turned into a horrible disagreement with him accusing me of being a man hater and of raising my daughters to be men haters. As calmly as I could, I tried not to allow my frustration and anger dictate my words. I explained to my dad that I did not hate men but that I did feel very strongly that celebrating the uniqueness of the women in my life was very important. My dad's family has an almost impenetrable patriarchal attitude. My belief is that change only happens with diligence and a clear focus on purpose. My dad wouldn't hear it.
I can see him in my mind, mad and defensive, trying desperately to prove a point to me. He and I were more alike than he would admit, and having learned through the years how to rise to his mental challenge, it was not hard for me to undermine his statements and reasoning; but, that was not what I wanted to do. My dad was vulnerable and frail. It is hard for a child to see those vulnerabilities in a parent. What I wanted was to comfort him, to tell him how much I appreciated all he had done for me. I knew that my father's sickness had compromised his health.
We don't get a chance to say the things we want sometimes. I have so much regret for that last heated debate with my father. Maybe I was longing for him to just say to me that he was proud of me, that he loved me. Instead, he attacked me.
My point is this..............in trying to celebrate the uniqueness of the women in my family, I shifted my focus from the strongly ingrained patriarchal ideas. Change is never easy. As a mother of three daughters, I have always felt a very strong obligation to explore and support a feminine perspective, even it that meant distancing myself from the "men" in my family. As a child, both sides of my family had male majorities. Most of my cousins and 2nd cousins were males. Things have shifted in the family now. We are a female majority which is a reflection of national trends. Empowering the females to explore and develop perspectives unique to them takes on greater importance.
Sitting here drinking my coffee out of the "MOM" mug Whitney gave me for Mother's Day last year, my emotions dance back and forth to a melody of long ago voices that only I seem to hear. It is almost as though each of these women is sitting here at this table with me sharing coffee and memories. I am multitasking too, browsing through pinterest and searching for summer dress patterns. I think about where women are today..........the opportunities and privileges.
I think often to one of the last conversations I had with my dad, GW Slayton. He was angry and frustrated after having had a full system failure and being in a rehab home for a few months. My visit turned into a horrible disagreement with him accusing me of being a man hater and of raising my daughters to be men haters. As calmly as I could, I tried not to allow my frustration and anger dictate my words. I explained to my dad that I did not hate men but that I did feel very strongly that celebrating the uniqueness of the women in my life was very important. My dad's family has an almost impenetrable patriarchal attitude. My belief is that change only happens with diligence and a clear focus on purpose. My dad wouldn't hear it.
I can see him in my mind, mad and defensive, trying desperately to prove a point to me. He and I were more alike than he would admit, and having learned through the years how to rise to his mental challenge, it was not hard for me to undermine his statements and reasoning; but, that was not what I wanted to do. My dad was vulnerable and frail. It is hard for a child to see those vulnerabilities in a parent. What I wanted was to comfort him, to tell him how much I appreciated all he had done for me. I knew that my father's sickness had compromised his health.
We don't get a chance to say the things we want sometimes. I have so much regret for that last heated debate with my father. Maybe I was longing for him to just say to me that he was proud of me, that he loved me. Instead, he attacked me.
My point is this..............in trying to celebrate the uniqueness of the women in my family, I shifted my focus from the strongly ingrained patriarchal ideas. Change is never easy. As a mother of three daughters, I have always felt a very strong obligation to explore and support a feminine perspective, even it that meant distancing myself from the "men" in my family. As a child, both sides of my family had male majorities. Most of my cousins and 2nd cousins were males. Things have shifted in the family now. We are a female majority which is a reflection of national trends. Empowering the females to explore and develop perspectives unique to them takes on greater importance.
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