October mornings in the hill country are breathe taking, and as Deandra sat on her deck watching the sun rise over the hills, the light chill in the air was kept at bay by the handmade quilt her grandmother had given to her on her wedding day many years before. Her mind drifted to him. . . always to him, not the man she had married, but the one her soul longed for. Her mp3 player shuffled to Train's "Marry Me", and she could not stop the waves of emotion. Knowing she should change the song and steer her memories and her longings in other directions, she instead closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she held it and forced all of herself to another time and place, a sweet and happy place where she was deeply in love.
She had changed her clothes so many times that she couldn't remember what she had tried on originally and her bed was covered with a small mountain of silky or lacy things in an array of colors. Looking down at the shoes she wanted to wear, she reached into the pile and found a simple black dress. For weeks she had been saving for this pair of shoes, a sandal with a slight heel and glittering embellishments that fit her foot perfectly. In pure mischievousness, she selected a red lacy camisole and finalized her dressing. She had been at this for over an hour, so she headed back to the bathroom mirror to retouch her hair and makeup. One final look at the full length mirror revealed that one final touch was needed, so Deandra tied a red silk scarf around her neck and headed out the door finally.
When she arrived at the waterfront restaurant, she felt provocative, even decadent, so she opted for valet parking and carefully calculated every move out of her mini-SUV. Each slow, deliberate step took her one step closer to this man she had barely met but to whom she already felt a strong connection; and in the week since their first meeting, the two had talked extensively.
She almost stumbled walking up the steps, and the self-consciousness about her extra weight created in her mind this horrible image of falling and everyone just laughing at her. She forced the image away and taking a deep breath, reminded herself that she was her own worst enemy. Hadn't she heard that so many times?
"I belong here," she breathed under her breath as she thanked the man who held open the door. Ideally, Jarvis would've met her at the entrance, but he was no where in sight. Glancing anxiously at her watch, she realized she was early. They had agreed to meet in the bar if either one was running late, so she maneuvered her way there and found two empty seats. From the corner of her eye, she caught a couple of men smiling at her. With careful calculation, she hopped onto the stool and with a sly moment of indulgence, she leaned over to straighten her skirt knowing full well her full cleavage was enhanced.
Each minute spent waiting seemed like an hour. Deandra was just finishing her first Cosmo when she felt a slight touch on her shoulder, and she turned to look fully into his eyes. As much as she wanted to scold him for his tardiness, she couldn't. He leaned into her ear and with a slight kiss, whispered, "you look ravishing".
The song changing on her player broke her trance, and she was startled to feel the tears on her cheeks. The sun was almost completely visible, and she knew she had a chore list too long for reveries and tears. Folding the quilt and placing it on the back of the patio chair, she took a long deep breath and made a wish for contented happiness. All these years since her marriage had ended and she had tackled building a career and raising children alone, contented happiness was not always her goal. Yearnings for more always haunted her, sometimes painfully. "But not today," she thought. "I have too much to do."
As always, she said a prayer for Jarvis, for his happiness. Closing the patio door, she closed the door into her heart as well.
She almost stumbled walking up the steps, and the self-consciousness about her extra weight created in her mind this horrible image of falling and everyone just laughing at her. She forced the image away and taking a deep breath, reminded herself that she was her own worst enemy. Hadn't she heard that so many times?
"I belong here," she breathed under her breath as she thanked the man who held open the door. Ideally, Jarvis would've met her at the entrance, but he was no where in sight. Glancing anxiously at her watch, she realized she was early. They had agreed to meet in the bar if either one was running late, so she maneuvered her way there and found two empty seats. From the corner of her eye, she caught a couple of men smiling at her. With careful calculation, she hopped onto the stool and with a sly moment of indulgence, she leaned over to straighten her skirt knowing full well her full cleavage was enhanced.
Each minute spent waiting seemed like an hour. Deandra was just finishing her first Cosmo when she felt a slight touch on her shoulder, and she turned to look fully into his eyes. As much as she wanted to scold him for his tardiness, she couldn't. He leaned into her ear and with a slight kiss, whispered, "you look ravishing".
The song changing on her player broke her trance, and she was startled to feel the tears on her cheeks. The sun was almost completely visible, and she knew she had a chore list too long for reveries and tears. Folding the quilt and placing it on the back of the patio chair, she took a long deep breath and made a wish for contented happiness. All these years since her marriage had ended and she had tackled building a career and raising children alone, contented happiness was not always her goal. Yearnings for more always haunted her, sometimes painfully. "But not today," she thought. "I have too much to do."
As always, she said a prayer for Jarvis, for his happiness. Closing the patio door, she closed the door into her heart as well.
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