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Autumn Holidays - Rethink


My daughters are almost grown, and our traditions for Halloween continue to morph.  This year, I decided I did not want to celebrate Halloween as much as I wanted to enjoy Autumn.  This way, I can continue my decorations and cooking ideas into Thanksgiving.

With a small twinge of panic, I reminisce about all the years of Halloween costumes and trick or treating that are over for me as a mother. I can begin planning for those grandchildren...........in about 10 years.  In the interim,  I will enjoy having a longer Autumn.

Lately, I second guess myself.  As my children mature and traditions morph, I contemplate the past, present and future.  Trick or Treating and dress up have never been a big favorite of the Autumn season for me; but I did not want to deprive my children the experience.  Kaitlyn was the one wanting to dress up this year, and in a panic remembering what she did last Halloween made me say to her too curtly, "I'm not spending money on Halloween this year".  Two days later I felt bad and told her that if you she wanted to use the money I had allocated for her on a costume, she could.  Here it is almost Halloween, and she has moved to her dad's.  Thinking back to our conversation deeply saddens me.

I keep thinking back to many conversations she and I have had recently, and I can barely breathe.
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