Heart's Desire and Searching for Answers

At the heart of all my desires lies hidden my thirst for companionship, and in all my adult years as I have sometimes desperately, sometimes frantically, often times confused, searched for some ideal - companionship was the one thing I needed and craved the most. This is not a fact that I speak about often, rarely sharing with others. Like protected treasure or tightly guarded information, this secret desire can emerge in tangled midnight memories or misty daytime whispers.

Hating to be cliched, I suppress and guard this information daily. I am a fraud.

It's ironic that I can see it now more clearly at 46 and then I could at 16 or 26 when I thought I knew it all or 36 when I was raging against the world and the unfairness of it all. Wisdom is like that. It is ironic also that I am more alone now than I have ever been. If I ponder that fact too much, it can lead to some dark days.

Yet, I am in love with this city; as I drive the streets crowded with people and cars on a crisp Autumn evening, I feel the promise. I feel connected to things I that I cannot see. Congress Avenue is crowded. The trees lining the streets are wrapped in glistening white lights. On the Congress Avenue Bridge are dozens of people lined up hoping to catch a late season glimpse of the free tailed bats that make the bridge their home for half the year. I love the vibe here. Being in Austin provides me a sense of belonging I have never felt, even if I am alone. I have long since abandoned an ideal that I could share in joy and peace with another. Maybe I am wrong.

Ok, ok................I said it. I may be wrong.

Admitting that I do not know it all is hard for me. Even though I am well aware I don't know it all, putting on the brave face and drowning my disappointment is so ingrained in my personality. Admitting that I want more is not something I feel I can say, not yet. I feel as though I am just beginning to regain the sense of wonder and awe that have always been a part of my personality. Geeze, I'm a mess.

Life is messy........................clean it up

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Eggnog French Toast

~Eggnog French Toast Casserole~ Update: this has been a very busy post, viewed almost daily and consistently since it's original publication. I would love to hear about anyone's attempts at making this Eggnog French Toast. copied from Women of Faith daily newsletter This recipe sounds so amazing. I wondered if this was the casserole that Jessica and Rachel ended up rolling around in on the floor in The Family Stone . A little digging revealed that instead, it is actually Breakfast Strata which sounds equally appealling. I did not like the movie, The Family Stone. Maybe it was too realistic. Maybe I was hoping for something more whimsical and hopeful. I have tried a couple times since my initial viewing to watch it, but I cannot bring myself to sit through it. Eggnog French Toast Casserole A make-ahead breakfast perfect for Christmas morning! 1 loaf French Bread 8 oz. Cream Cheese 10 Eggs 2 cups Eggnog ¼ teaspoon Nutmeg 1 Tablespoon Cinnamon Slice a

Mitchells in the Revolutionary War

The next line I tackled was the Mitchell family. My great grandmother was Artha B Mitchell (1883 - 1977). I can barely remember her. I was ten years old when she died. She was the daughter of Francis Marion Mitchell (1855 - 1904). It is Francis's grandfather, Andrew Mitchell, Jr. (1760 - 1824) who served in the Revolutionary War. It is truly a story worthy of legend. Andrew was one of 3 sons born to Irish immigrants Andrew and Mary (McGowan) Mitchell. The young family came to the colonies in 1752. They began their journey in a Scottish - Irish community in Eastern Pennsylvania before migrating to Orange County, North Carolina. Besides the boys, Andrew and Mary had 2 daughters, Margaret and Nancy. At the time of the Revolution, my 5th great grandfather, Andrew, Jr was just starting his family. He had married Mary Tate in 1781. He was in service but took furlough to be with his ill wife. This information is documented in a a hand written SAR application by Andrew's

Revolutionary War beginnigns

With the 4th of July only a couple days away, I thought I'd spend some time visiting with the family and share some of our family heritage. As the United States turns 236 years old this week, thinking about those unique ancestors who risked so much to bring about the American independence takes me back to Virginia, North / South Carolina and Maryland and the original 13 colonies. We all get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget to honor the past; or, as is often the case, families are unaware of the past. Technology opens the coffins of complacency and sweeps away the dust of indifference. I love learning about my ancestors. They are some unique individuals who lived life in another time and place but who are still present in our genetics. Think about it...........the same DNA that existed in a person 236 years ago is chronicled in my own DNA. It is almost like a message left in a bottle...........all I have to do is open the bottle. Our collective written history is no

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