Heart's Desire and Searching for Answers

At the heart of all my desires lies hidden my thirst for companionship, and in all my adult years as I have sometimes desperately, sometimes frantically, often times confused, searched for some ideal - companionship was the one thing I needed and craved the most. This is not a fact that I speak about often, rarely sharing with others. Like protected treasure or tightly guarded information, this secret desire can emerge in tangled midnight memories or misty daytime whispers.

Hating to be cliched, I suppress and guard this information daily. I am a fraud.

It's ironic that I can see it now more clearly at 46 and then I could at 16 or 26 when I thought I knew it all or 36 when I was raging against the world and the unfairness of it all. Wisdom is like that. It is ironic also that I am more alone now than I have ever been. If I ponder that fact too much, it can lead to some dark days.

Yet, I am in love with this city; as I drive the streets crowded with people and cars on a crisp Autumn evening, I feel the promise. I feel connected to things I that I cannot see. Congress Avenue is crowded. The trees lining the streets are wrapped in glistening white lights. On the Congress Avenue Bridge are dozens of people lined up hoping to catch a late season glimpse of the free tailed bats that make the bridge their home for half the year. I love the vibe here. Being in Austin provides me a sense of belonging I have never felt, even if I am alone. I have long since abandoned an ideal that I could share in joy and peace with another. Maybe I am wrong.

Ok, ok................I said it. I may be wrong.

Admitting that I do not know it all is hard for me. Even though I am well aware I don't know it all, putting on the brave face and drowning my disappointment is so ingrained in my personality. Admitting that I want more is not something I feel I can say, not yet. I feel as though I am just beginning to regain the sense of wonder and awe that have always been a part of my personality. Geeze, I'm a mess.

Life is messy........................clean it up

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Mitchells in the Revolutionary War

The next line I tackled was the Mitchell family. My great grandmother was Artha B Mitchell (1883 - 1977). I can barely remember her. I was ten years old when she died. She was the daughter of Francis Marion Mitchell (1855 - 1904). It is Francis's grandfather, Andrew Mitchell, Jr. (1760 - 1824) who served in the Revolutionary War. It is truly a story worthy of legend. Andrew was one of 3 sons born to Irish immigrants Andrew and Mary (McGowan) Mitchell. The young family came to the colonies in 1752. They began their journey in a Scottish - Irish community in Eastern Pennsylvania before migrating to Orange County, North Carolina. Besides the boys, Andrew and Mary had 2 daughters, Margaret and Nancy. At the time of the Revolution, my 5th great grandfather, Andrew, Jr was just starting his family. He had married Mary Tate in 1781. He was in service but took furlough to be with his ill wife. This informa...

Revolutionary War beginnigns

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