Today is July 3; It has been a long and very lazy day................I don't do so well with boredom. Had 3 women stop by to witness to me and ask me to bible study tomorrow. Their big point was that God can be female, too, as the mother, and we read together out of revelations. Kate, Whit and I went to Sonic for happy hour to get patriotic slushes, but only Kate got a red slush............and it was so hot we had to come home instead of sit and talk. We wouldn't have done much talking anyway as the girls got into one of their persistent and angry spats. Whit and Kate are constantly on each other's nerves, each making the other mad by the mere act of breathing.
Everything makes Kate mad. She hates the dog and the food I cook. She hates our music and our boring life where all we seem to do is read. But, her anger and rage are better than her self-destructive days of drug use and wasting to nothingness. Whit is right, I tend to try to give Kate whatever she wants; it is my meager attempt to hang onto her, I know. It's so cliched and pathetic, really.
Having attempted a nap a bit earlier only to be awakened by some loud grating metallic sound (Kate had decided to cut the top off an aluminum can), I decided to rouse myself and perhaps study for my Spanish certification test for a while. Since I've had this week off, I've been so lazy and unfocused, working on one mini project after another without planning. The most I've planned in the last week is what to cook for dinner. For me, this week had promised so much, and in some cosmic joke, Kate ended up here with us this week. The timing sucks.
What I wanted was a break from my life, and instead, it is all here right in front of me screaming for attention. I can't escape it, and I need to go back to work so that some order prevails, so that some part of me can try to compartmentalize all these strange, disconnected experiences.
So, I left the comfort and security of my room - my sanctuary - to come to the living room in an attempt to study Spanish. The music pouring from the television is grating in my head like that aluminum can that woke me up,and I wonder if perhaps I am stuck in an alternate hell. My breath catches................the possible reality that Kate is seriously mentally ill does not escape my attention, and I realize that I may never have a break. God help me.........I may never have a break from the exhaustible being of Kate. What in the hell is wrong with me?
Numb and unable to move..............well, emotionally unable to move................I decide to begin to prepare for dinner. As if in all the chaos that is my life, cooking dinner somehow normalizes it all, or me. I think about the Stepford Wives and secretly beg that I could be turned into one...............anything to escape the prison I am in.
Everything makes Kate mad. She hates the dog and the food I cook. She hates our music and our boring life where all we seem to do is read. But, her anger and rage are better than her self-destructive days of drug use and wasting to nothingness. Whit is right, I tend to try to give Kate whatever she wants; it is my meager attempt to hang onto her, I know. It's so cliched and pathetic, really.
Having attempted a nap a bit earlier only to be awakened by some loud grating metallic sound (Kate had decided to cut the top off an aluminum can), I decided to rouse myself and perhaps study for my Spanish certification test for a while. Since I've had this week off, I've been so lazy and unfocused, working on one mini project after another without planning. The most I've planned in the last week is what to cook for dinner. For me, this week had promised so much, and in some cosmic joke, Kate ended up here with us this week. The timing sucks.
What I wanted was a break from my life, and instead, it is all here right in front of me screaming for attention. I can't escape it, and I need to go back to work so that some order prevails, so that some part of me can try to compartmentalize all these strange, disconnected experiences.
So, I left the comfort and security of my room - my sanctuary - to come to the living room in an attempt to study Spanish. The music pouring from the television is grating in my head like that aluminum can that woke me up,and I wonder if perhaps I am stuck in an alternate hell. My breath catches................the possible reality that Kate is seriously mentally ill does not escape my attention, and I realize that I may never have a break. God help me.........I may never have a break from the exhaustible being of Kate. What in the hell is wrong with me?
Numb and unable to move..............well, emotionally unable to move................I decide to begin to prepare for dinner. As if in all the chaos that is my life, cooking dinner somehow normalizes it all, or me. I think about the Stepford Wives and secretly beg that I could be turned into one...............anything to escape the prison I am in.
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