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Struggling with a Bible Study

The only real resolution for 2016 is to strengthen my relationships, especially my relationship with God.  Instead of spending my morning playing Words with Friends or scrolling through Pinterest, I grabbed my bible and decided to read.  I searched for a woman's bible study online, but was very disappointed that most of what I found was shallow or asked me to purchase a book or workbook.  I've been here before.

Three years ago, I began a similar journey.  I made going to church a priority, and I  spent time reading the bible frequently.  What happened?

Like so many others I've spoken to over the years, I couldn't maintain the enthusiasm because I was drifting alone in a large sea.  Today, it became more clear to me.  The picture I had in my head of what a Christian woman should be keeps tripping me up.

After 20 minutes of searching for some "fix" to my problem, I decided to tackle it the same way I'd tackle a problem student or other difficult situation.  Here are the steps I take:

What do I think the problem is?
What would I like to see changed?
What will it look or feel like if a change occurs?
What do I hope to get out of it?
What are my own limitations to solving this problem?
What do I have already?  What do I need?

The problem is that I feel disconnected from some part of myself that I used to have, especially my relationship with God.  I am struggling to "define" what the missing part is and worse, I can't seem to make sustainable changes.  (think relapse)

Changes I would like to see include more personal conversations and interactions with others.  More importantly, I want to "feel" connected and involved and to not feel like an outsider looking in.

If sustainable changes can be made, it would feel like it used to - meaning, I would feel that others valued me and my contributions as a whole.  I would stop feeling like an outsider looking in.  What it would look like would be less alone time and more engagement with others.

Selfishly, what I hope to get out of this is a return to a point in my life before bitterness and disillusionment stole my joy.  I used to be involved in a church family - children's class, choir member, bible study.  Now, I rarely even attend church, and I have only a couple of personal connections outside myself.

Limitations include fear and grief.  Even working with a counselor, I still struggle with crippling fear and anxiety.  Boy, am I jaded.

I possess so many wonderful skills to overcome this, but what I need is a strong mentor.

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And just like that, I have outlined for myself a way to approach the problem.  What I need a bible study to help me with is to face my limitations and then strengthen my resolve.

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