Many, many years ago when I was first married, we spent Christmas break in Houston with my ex-husband's older sister and family. They hosted numerous family members. My ex-husband was 1 of 9, and at the time we all mingled in Houston, there were already a dozen "grandchildren". I had only been in Houston once before in my lifetime, and my imagination ran wild with the sheer size of the town.
My sister-in-law Janet remains all these years later, the epitome of the minster's wife and devoted family member. She taught me how to make yeast rolls and broccoli cheddar soup. I was so young, and watching her effortlessly maneuver sleeping arrangements, cooking and church business, I resolved to be more like her as I grew older.
It's getting colder here in Central Texas, and the Hamilton Bungalow is cozy. I am finishing up the broccoli cheddar soup. Here is where my attempts of emulating Janet end. For the past fifteen years, I have been a single working mother. Sadly, my life is spent holding my breath and waiting to get through each day.
As I've had time this last week to reflect about where my life is and what I feel I am missing, I can't help but grieve. In many ways, I am still jaded about how my life took a very sharp turn. Not only do I want more, but I deserve more. So often lately I hear the whisper that life is what happens when you are making other plans. We often fill the void with distractions - for me, this is work - to keep from processing the realities of our own lives. What I find so frustrating is that these realities are not always negative or destructive. I only know I want more than busyness in each of my days.
So, Christmas in Houston - - as a very young adult, the year that I spent Christmas with my in-laws shaped me in ways I am still discovering all these years later. I have not been a member of that family for 15 years now, but I carry with me many fond memories. When I divorced, sadly, the family divorced me and my children, too. But, I have to accept a part of the blame for the abandonment because I drifted away too easily For my part, I should've tried harder. As I head into a new year, I hope to make amends for wrongs I've done. I messaged my ex sister-in-law and told her how special that time had been for me.
My sister-in-law Janet remains all these years later, the epitome of the minster's wife and devoted family member. She taught me how to make yeast rolls and broccoli cheddar soup. I was so young, and watching her effortlessly maneuver sleeping arrangements, cooking and church business, I resolved to be more like her as I grew older.
It's getting colder here in Central Texas, and the Hamilton Bungalow is cozy. I am finishing up the broccoli cheddar soup. Here is where my attempts of emulating Janet end. For the past fifteen years, I have been a single working mother. Sadly, my life is spent holding my breath and waiting to get through each day.
As I've had time this last week to reflect about where my life is and what I feel I am missing, I can't help but grieve. In many ways, I am still jaded about how my life took a very sharp turn. Not only do I want more, but I deserve more. So often lately I hear the whisper that life is what happens when you are making other plans. We often fill the void with distractions - for me, this is work - to keep from processing the realities of our own lives. What I find so frustrating is that these realities are not always negative or destructive. I only know I want more than busyness in each of my days.
So, Christmas in Houston - - as a very young adult, the year that I spent Christmas with my in-laws shaped me in ways I am still discovering all these years later. I have not been a member of that family for 15 years now, but I carry with me many fond memories. When I divorced, sadly, the family divorced me and my children, too. But, I have to accept a part of the blame for the abandonment because I drifted away too easily For my part, I should've tried harder. As I head into a new year, I hope to make amends for wrongs I've done. I messaged my ex sister-in-law and told her how special that time had been for me.
I wish I could report that my attempt to contact my ex sister-in-law was rewarded with a response, but sadly, she has not responded to my attempts of contact. I can scarce blame her; it's been over 15 years.
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